Mom, you don’t understand. The words you tell me, the way you say I’ll never be anything, well.. those are what hurts the most.
You can beat me to death all you want I’d it’ll make you feel better, but it doesn’t hurt. Yeah, physically it might but the pain will only last for a while. Unlike your words, that’s what really kills me. You think they help by motivating me or something but they don’t. They just make me want to quit life.
Well today’s been really shitty.
I can’t think. I really can’t.
And I have to work on this case for government and I just idk.
How do you deal with a parent who’s been in the hospital with severe burns? How can you not react? Like idk.
Yes, dad wasn’t always there but regardless he is my dad and I’ve known him all my 18 years of life and I’ve lived with him for 16 years. Its just idk.
I want the best for him, I really do. And I’ve tried to mend our relationship many times, today included, but he makes it so difficult to do so.
I do love my dad, I really do, and I love Alex like a parental figure but he doesn’t make it easy to love them both. I’m just confused. Sigh. :/
I just hope to God that he recovers soon and that he’s back on his feet. We’ve both made mistakes, but it doesn’t mean we want the worst for both of us. :/
This has to be a bad joke.
Seriously, this is not true.
This is complete utter bullshit!
The stories don’t connect. They just don’t.
No. No. No. No!
And the worst part is that my mom thinks I should be completely emotionless and I should but fuck. Getting the news that your dad is in the hospital with burns isn’t exactly a “idgaf” kind of thing. No matter how much damage he’s done, he’s still my dad. Yes, he basically only helped with creating the DNA in me and some materialistic things until my mom started working, but I’ve known him my whole life. Idk.. I cant explain what I feel. I just sigh..
Idk. I’m really confused right now.
I feel like throwing up.
But I don’t get it, why didn’t they tell me what hospital he’s in? I mean those little details don’t make sense! Ugh!
I need answers and no one’s willing to give them to me!
I’m bummed that I’m going to school tomorrow instead of my internship.
I honestly wouldn’t mind going and helping out in the office, even for a few hours. But oh well. Guess I’ll be a student aid tomorrow!
Though it’s funny that today after class ended I reminded my English teacher that I wasn’t going to internship because my supervisor was on vacation she told me, “you can work with anyone today like” and instantly without thinking I said “really? :D Ms. Damon!”. My eyes lit up and I was smiling.
Like I miss my (teacher) mom! I haven’t seen her in like two weeks or so. I’m excited! :D Though she has student aids so I’m not sure how that’s going to work out. Maybe I can go back and forth between her and Mr. Arriaga?
But yay! I just hope I don’t have to stay until the FINAL bell rings cause I’m going to lose it! I want to go home after 6th! I have important things to do at home like nap and run this blog! :c
Do you ever have one of those days that even though you’re in public and people are talking all around you you feel so alone? And like maybe for a while you talk and laugh with everyone but once the conversation ends and you’re all alone in your thoughts the sadness begins again?
You don’t want to talk to anyone, you don’t want to be with anyone, you just want to be alone and sleep.
That’s what I feel right now.
I was looking through my KIK and idk. Once I saw your picture I sorta got sad.
Sigh. I remember the good times we had when we met. It sucks cause the memories just keep on lurking and idk. I don’t want them to but I miss you and idk.
I can’t believe how comfortably I can say it to strangers or anyone who knows but when it comes saying it directly to you I can’t
I freeze and just idk. Turn into someone else. I get so nervous. But sigh. Whatever.
I bet you’re out with some other girl who’s 10x prettier, smarter, and all that stuff. Don’t blame you either.
I don’t understand what’s going on but I hear banging on the wall really hard (not sex type of banging) and my immediate reaction is to tense up into a ball, tighten my fists, gasp, and almost cry.
Guess I got really traumatic from the divorce when this would happen. Fuck.
#personal #I really want to cry.
I can’t believe I was on break all week and this is the first time I’m watching Gilmore Girls!
Monday: Went to the laboratory to get blood taken out.
Wednesday: Over slept.
Thursday: Woke up at 8:30 but to lazy to open eyes. Said 5 more minutes which turned out to be a few more hours. Didn’t wake up until 11.
Today: FINALLY TODAY I’M WATCHING MY FAVORITE SHOW!
Ahhh! I can’t wait till summer so I can watch it every day! I’m excited for that.
#personal #gilmore girls